My baby girl,
Sometimes we have to make tough choices. I agonised over this decision and then agonised some more. I kept thinking about the last time Daddy Dearest and I had this conversation. it was last October and we had just experienced our second devastating loss. I was begging the doctor to tie my tubes and he advised me to wait until after the DNC to decide. Six months later I was pregnant and now we are counting down the 12 days before we welcome Baby Bump into the world and you get the Christmas present you asked Santa for last year – a baby brother.
Flash forward to last week when I found myself sitting again in front of my gynaecologist, Dr Knows-Alot. This time I was armed with knowledge and not fueled by emotion. I calmly requested that the procedure happen right after baby bump was delivered via cesarean, annoyed that my voice cracked a little.
My reasons? Our family was complete. Her question back? What if something happens and you find yourself wanting another baby – reversal is not easy nor guaranteed.
I went home and chatted it out with Hunky Hubby. I asked fellow females around my age and with similar circumstances. Their responses ranged from, “I would wait, what if there are complications with Baby Bump” to “Sign me up sister, I’m ready to take that step today”.
Hunky Hubby as always was logical and supportive and amazing. We decided to go ahead with the procedure for the following reasons:
1) It feels right
2) It makes sense to us
Yes it’s a bitter-sweet feeling. This is the last time I will feel a little life inside me evolving from a fluttering, graceful butterfly to a rather large, rolling ball that makes me feel like predator.
It’s also the last time I will have morning sickness and afternoon sickness and evening sickness. And the last time I will go into a bit of a panic about how we will deal financially, emotionally, etc.
My mind will no doubt play that age old trick 2 years from now when it “forgets” the not so great elements of this miracle, and evokes that fuzzy feeling inside that makes me think about the awesomeness of pregnancy again, but this time I will be ready. See, my soul is at peace with my decision and selfish or not, my body – my choice.
One day we might find ourselves chatting about this again , princess and mummy will listen to your reasobs. At the end of the day we do what we do based on what feels right.