I stopped blogging because the Imposter Monster made me do it. It was a gradual takeover, but then again, isn’t that how he always starts? The signs – at first tiny whisper telling me my opinion wasn’t really that important, a slightly louder voice asking what made me think I was some sort of super motherhood expert, a dramatically louder voice screaming that my uniqueness was challenging squares in high places and finally after about the 10 months the loudest voice who proclaimed that I couldn’t possibly write things that others wanted to hear because I was so fractured myself and that every one would find out that I didn’t have anything together.
Now normally I keep the Imposter Monster at bay quite easily. I do this by only personalizing the options of people I actually give a dahm about or those who are more qualified in a field than I am. This technique has worked well for me resulting in a quick poke that sends the Imposter monster retreating to the corner of the room where he sulks. This time though he had the upper hand and it was mostly because I allowed him to.
See the Imposter Monster wants you to doubt your ability, and he’s been so busy planting doubt all over the world, that it’s an actual “thing” now, with its own name and everything!
Imposter syndrome: is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud” – Wikipedia
And I had it bad….I doubted my ability as a mother, whetherI actually belonged in my field of work, my role as a good wife….He took over my life. I couldn’t stand myself, let alone pen down my feelings.
So for the next few months I gave up fighting for what I know I stand for, I gave in and by doing so believed their insecurity into reality.
Then one morning I woke up and realised that the Imposter Monster was renting out vital space that I needed back. I took some time out to plot my goals, accomplishments and what makes me happy. I took some time out to cherish those that I love. And then I put on my big girl pants and started to work on myself. I put my own self doubts aside and looked beyond what I saw myself as to what those who truely cared for me saw.
The power of the mind is something we all underestimate. The ability to think yourself into an impoverished state is as real and thinking your way into a state of success.
This week I met some awesome new minds and had a few life altering experiences (all legal, I promise), and I decided that sharing my experiences with those who choose to read them isn’t indulgent, it’s natural.
Someone once told me, “Watch the people you talk to.” I disagree. I do not have to watch others or doubt their, or my own worth and intentiond. Sharing information, opiniond and ideas is normal and wonderful and natural. What they do with that information is really their choice and cross to bare, not mine.
Goodbye Imposter Monster.
Hello World, I’m back!
Side note: Imposter Syndrome affects more men than woman and is really devastating if not addressed. You are not alone, reach out for help